I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
