I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
