A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
