Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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