Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
