We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
