They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
