I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
