After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
