a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
