I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
