best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
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He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
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It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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