Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
