there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
