We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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