At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
