Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
