I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
