So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
