My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize