literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
