I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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