Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
