wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
