Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
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After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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