I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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