This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
