I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
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