"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
