I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
