I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
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That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
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New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine