Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.