I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon