your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Found the puke drawer
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.