Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.