There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.