I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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