I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
