Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize