great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
