Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
