I cannot find my penis.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
