There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
