i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
