bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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