if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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