i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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