i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
