i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So. Much. Porn.
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