she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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