When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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