I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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