Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
