I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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