Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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