Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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