Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
