i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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