the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
