You smell like stripper and shame
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
