her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
