We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
