if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
