I'm gonna have a badass scar
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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