So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
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He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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