both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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