Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
