just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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