Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I got her a Nickelback box set.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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