No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
