i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him