every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
