If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.