I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
