somebody snuck up and got me drunk
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
